So, recently I've been trying to learn a lot on my own. There are a lot of resources out there that can really guide and improve your abilities in whatever field you want. The internet is great for finding and checking reviews on that sort of thing. I took a gamble and got one, "How to Cook Gorillas."
I've heard that gorillas are really tasty, and was hoping to get into gorilla-cooking, and see if it was for me. A lot of the reviewers said they sure wish they had read this book before they started cooking gorillas, because their first gorillas came out awful, and this book pointed out all of their mistakes and so on.
So I was ecstatic and excited.
Then, I got to the book, and it was filled with useful headings and content like,
((note, I say "like" above, but this is verbatim.))
"So you're never cooked a gorilla"
I'm a very successful gorilla meat cooker. I used to be a lowly homeless slacker, who didn't even own an oven. Through passion, and dedication for gorilla meat, I built up a lot of great cooked gorilla meat and sold it. I'm now more than stupidly wealthy, and I didn't even try hard. I've never actually tried hard in my life, and I'm going to tell you exactly how not trying very hard led to great success on my end. It's mostly about getting lucky, and reading this book will help you in the getting lucky department.(Note: pun intended, but untrue. You won't get lucky like that. But you'll definitely get lucky in the other way, without trying, if you buy and read this book cover to cover.)
"The best way to cook a gorilla"
Gorillas are completely delicious, and if you add just the right spices they'll be even more wonderfully delicious. Why, one time when I wanted to have some gorilla, I just added some really good spices, and that really made the gorilla stand out, and it was a delicious gorilla. All my friends said, "Wow this is such a good gorilla, you added some really great spices." So that's what you should do, add some really good spices, and make your gorilla stand out.
After you've added some really good spices to the gorilla, you're probably going to have to cook him. Most people would cook him, and cooking the gorilla would really add to the overall flavorfulness of that gorilla. If you'd really prefer not to cook him, you don't have to. As I said before, gorilla tasting is a very personal experience, and no one can tell you how to do it. But you should definitely cook the gorilla, or else it won't be very good.
"How to sell your cooked gorilla"
Alright, now that you've learned all about how to properly cook a gorilla, we're going to have you sell the gorilla. Probably your friends will want to sell their cooked gorillas too, in which case they should definitely read this book. You may want to give them this book, because it was so helpful to you.
Anyways, what you're going to want to do is find someone who buys gorilla meat. Then you're going to want to sell them your gorilla meat. If the buyer is looking for Lowland gorilla meat, you're going to want to make sure your gorilla meat is Lowland gorilla meat. It's not unheard of to sell really good Mountain gorilla meat to a Lowland gorilla meat buyer, but usually people buying Lowland gorilla meat want to buy Lowland gorilla meat.
"How to deal with rejection"
It's a sad but true fact that everyone faces rejection, especially gorilla meat cookers and sellers. You're going to have to make that a part of your repertoire. You'll probably face a whole lot of rejection, just like I did. Don't worry, I only spent about two hours a day trying to sell gorilla meat, and after just a week of doing that I sold my first batch! That seller quickly died of food poisoning, and I was again out of work. But I wasn't put down, I just kept on trying to sell my gorilla meat, and after hearing "No that's infected bad gorilla meat." hundreds more times, I finally sold another batch. Then, as the fates were against me, that seller also died of food poisoning. Never one to give up, I just kept selling and selling, and now I've got more money than my wazoo can hold!
Hope you enjoyed reading, and that this book is as helpful to you as it was to me! Not that I had this book, haha, I wrote it! But, I did all of these things myself, and that's how I know it will work for you too.
Thanks again,
-Author Brooks
If only I could have figured out that information on my own. Instead, I spent money on a book that explained, in detail what I had to do to make and sell gorilla meat. This book was also filled with review after review saying, "When I first started selling gorilla meat, well, let's just say it wasn't as easy as this book makes everything for new readers! Haha." and, "Golly, author Brooks really knows his gorilla meat, and it's clear because of how many times he says gorilla meat in the book itself. Go ahead, try and count! It's just too high, haha. But honestly, this is a great gorilla meat primer for anyone interested in the gorilla meat industry.".
I'm sure those people meant it enthusiastically, and definitely and really read the whole thing, and it revolutionized their gorilla meat selling careers. The kind of book I look for in self help is the kind that's as full of itself as the Titanic was of water near the end there. This book was so much more full than that. I'd recommend it to anyone, who ever wanted to see how many times they could bear reading a single repeated upbeat phrase before they exploded.
My guess is about 16 pages of actual reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment