So, you're a person of the opinion that beer is good for dousing your shoes with after your shoes have been particularly disrespectful. Probably having to do with tying themselves together in knots, as shoes are constantly in want of doing.
Well, here is a handy guide to get you to change your opinions about beer! First thing's first, go to college. Be 19 or so when the drinking age is 21, and find a "friend"(Someone who wants to sleep with you) who is older than 21 to buy you beer. They will by you awful beer. It will be Coors Light. Or, if you're unlucky, it might be Coors Light. Don't worry, it's a million times better than Skoal Vodka. Or, as they say in Russian, "Bitter awful terrible liquid, that's not even improved by the addition of Fun Dip" and Russians love their Fun Dip.
After partying on that for two to four months, you're going to either want to: (A) start studying and get a degree in your major, (B) find friends who are less cheap and bring you to better parties. If you go with (A) you'll be driven to drinking heavily alone, as all your friends are out partying while you're studying. So, for the sake bomb of being happy, go with (B).
Here's where the starting to like beer comes into play. Someone will give you a Guinness. Hopefully, this person will be a Toucan with the beer on its beak. You'll drink it and think, "My God Patty! This is the most wonderful not Coors Light I think I've ever had, also, did I just eat four dinners? Why am I so full?" Done, you'll now enjoy beer. You're also 75% more Irish.
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