Cover Letter

(Perhaps your name is Bill?  If so, pretend it says, "Dear Billy Boy".)
Dear Hiring Manager,

When I saw you were hiring for the position of QA Tester, I thought, "That's me!"  Not because I am good at QA, or even know what it means.  I just need a job.  After reading the description though, I'm sure I'm more than qualified.  I've found bugs in my own soup!  I'm sure I can locate them in your software.

Also, I noticed it was an entry level position that requires 1 year of professional QA experience.  Which I thought was quite reasonable, as otherwise, too many inexperienced people would apply.

However, I am one of "those people" as they say.  The ones that leave the toilet seat up in bathrooms that is.  I'm also inexperienced.  But, what I lack in experience I make up for with a complete lack of morals!  I'll lie about how much work I've done pretty regularly.  As far as you'll ever know, I'll be on task or ahead of schedule!  "Doing great Bill!" is my go to phrase whenever anyone says anything to me. ("About those STDs you got...?" "Doing great Bill!"  "Yes, doing "The Great Bill", I told you to avoid hookers with titles.  But, are they clearing up?...")

Now, recently I've run into the tactic, where a company asks me if I want to come in for an interview, and then doesn't respond again.  I'm sure they just wanted to know if it was, in fact, something I wanted.  I know how much time is wasted interviewing potential candidates, and why do it if you can just *not* do it, am I right?  So, just let me know if that's a method that your company employs too.  And how much does it make an hour?

As you can see I'm incredibly fucking qualified for the position.  I'm sure I'd do great, because I'm non-stop fucking awesome all over.  With that in mind, I'd like to humbly request an interview with you at your earliest(for real! ha-ha!) convenience.

Sincerely,

-Kevin Stevenson