When Break Dancing Becomes Literal: A Look at the Elderly

"NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - A fresh look at earlier studies shows there are several steps seniors can take to prevent falls - a major health concern for the world's aging population."(1)  We had no idea that, "several steps" was a major health concern for seniors.   Though in hindsight, we realize the only way to fall is if you take that first step.  So, You heard it here first,  it's possible to prevent the elderly from falling.  From the same people who told you that "You can move your bed around in your room if you want," we continue to provide only the most accurate and up to date information.

The report states: that while poking seniors with sticks is amusing, it may increase their liklihood of falling.  Specifically, when you do so at the top of the stairs.  The main thrust of the study was to see if avoiding such antagonistic behaviors, among other common causes, would reduce the incidence of falling.  It does indeed!  Color us shocked as shit people.

But, in a world where the elderly are constantly depressed, they're always due for a check-up and not getting checked out, what is the solution?  The study claims that getting regular exercise "that contains multiple components such as strength and balance training"(1) is most beneficial.  So unlike for everyone else, good health for the elderly depends a lot upon diet and exercise.  We interviewed some elderly folk to see how they feel about this news.

We interrupted one Mary Ann Winters while she was busy commiserating with her two-year old neice about the woes of diaper wearing.  "Well this is simply the best news!" she stated, "Before I was just glad I baby-proofed the house for my neice here, it really saved my patoot when I fell last winter!"  So, some people are plussed with these findings, but what about the others?

Benjamin Galfnit stated, "Oh what's the use.  I know these hob-knobbing brats are just feigning interest in me.  Why, ever since my medicare was replaced with medidon'tgiveafuck and my children moved me into a nursing home, WHICH by the way, is not the same as what baby's get when they nurse, I don't much care for how things end up.  Study or no study."

These worries were brought to the forefront recently, when due to a freak accident, the world's most adult adult video was actually released.  This breaking footage is too gruesome to share, but it's safe to say that, one woman is not as hip as she used to be.  Thankfully, this doesn't have to be the case in the future.

Scientists are still looking into whether or not there's a link between sex in nursing homes and the rise of STDs in the elderly populartion.  We continue to give it to you as we get it, thanks for tuning in.


(1) http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/sns-rt-us-preventing-falls-in-seniors-is-possible-studbre-20120912,0,7052248.story