I've been carrying around my doberman since he was a pup. It has now been 6 years and seven months. Lately he's been eating so much that I've been having trouble breathing. It doesn't matter how much running I do, he doesn't get any lighter. I don't even want to get into what going to the bathroom is like. Cute girls don't find it funny anymore, nor is anyone impressed with my dedication.
The vet told me I should just put him down at this point, but he's so loving I am not sure where to start. What should I do?
Weight On My Chest
Dear Weight On [Your] Chest: You probably want to put him down with a bang, to show the cute girls the new you, sans doberman. Try the "Kurt Cobain" and a bullet proof vest. Check local gun laws and do it between noon and 3:00pm, before kids get home from school. You don't want the loud noise alarming anyone.
If anyone else has problems they'd like advice about, email Kevin at Apocryphalypse.com But spell it like it should be!
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