Why Is It Friday?

Because you gotta get down on Black Friday, Friday, Friday.  Or rather, consistently do the opposite.  Absolutely no getting down, only getting up.

This year Black Friday shenanigans started at midnight in a lot of places, because people who have to work on Black Friday love nothing more than to ruin as much of thanksgiving as possible.  Next year they're going to make you watch the Macy's Day Parade while you wait in line.  Retailers come up with new ideas and advertisements to pique your materialistic nature just as you're supposed to be thankful for what you have.(($200 for a new PS3.  That's what you're thankful for.  You're not thankful that some other jerkwads went out and bought all the PS3's for sale Black Friday morning.  Five years after the system came out.))

But Black Friday is a really good day to get random door busters((Who doesn't love snow globes?  You shake 'em and weird white dust floats awkwardly around a figurine's feet!))  The day is also great for getting presents for everyone on your christmas list.((Check it.  There was a pun there.))  Mostly the one who winks at you when you're looking in the mirror.  You know.  That real sexy cat.  ((The fact that you're fantasizing about felines will not go unjudged.  Lots of judging.  Sexy cat.  Yech.))

Then after your midnight, through two weeks later when the line starts to move, adventure ends you drink some coffee and rush out to the stores that open at 4:00am.  At this point you're sure you can stay awake all night no problem.  About five minutes later everyone is passed out on the expressway home.

Then you dream about why you didn't just wait for Cyber Monday.  Because that uses the internet and doesn't require waiting in very long lines for hours while some people, who have possibly consumed more than their fair share of death, emit odors that are inhumane and lasting.