To Be Or Not To Be

A well documented scientific fact is that people perform better with less choices.  Choices are like Venom.  They paralyze you.  They hate Spider Man.((I don't want to find sources.  But they exist.  How else would sinks work?))

As you face choices throughout the day it will eat away at your will to do anything. You start off with, "What should I wear?"  You can choose that with relative ease.  Banana hammocks abound.  ((Or banana hammocks if you're a girl.))  Followed by,"What's for breakfast?"  Here you have pancake mix, Fruit Loops and caramel cheesecake. You're worried about your health so you have Fruit Loops.  Then cheesecake.

Jump ahead to lunch time.  You're now having more difficulty.  Jane, your secretary, asks if "You want anything for lunch?" You try and decide between, "A small bowl of french onion soup" or "You-- to leave me alone."  That gets followed up with Jane asking "Do you have any plans tonight?"  To which you respond, "Murdering penguins in Antarctica.  I know they're not native, so I'm having them flown in and dropped, like birds that can't fly, from an airplane, you over inquisitive prick."  You said that instead of "Watching 'The Sing Off'" because you didn't want Jane to lose respect for you.((You can lose respect fine on your own!  You're independent!))

Work for the rest of the day goes alright, but you end up staying late to fix a couple of more things.  On the way home you keep all your fucks, not one is given out.  You pick up a hooker, and blow through all the stop signs.  You see a hobo and give them the rest of your money, $32.47.  When you get home you mix vodka and whiskey and drink it neat while perusing Ebay for bathrobes that look like they were made from a murdered Kermit the Frog and other Muppets.  You don't even brush your teeth before bed, just to show you whose boss.

Hercules killed the hydra and impregnated a ton of girls because "He had no choice."  So obviously, the best way to combat this vicious choice cycle is to have fewer choices.   You can bet your Muppet bathrobe Hercules would have stayed home to watch A Capella groups sing in competition if he had more choices.  So up your heroic quotient!  Throw out your pancakes!  Bring your lunch to work!  Marry a prostitute.  Make decisions now that will help you not make decisions in the future.