Its 5:45am. Edna stumbles into the kitchen. She pours coffee grounds into the blender and puts water in the microwave and turns it on. Ten minutes later she's not awake, but aware that she didn't make the coffee quite as the directions specified. After two additional minutes of cursing and reminding herself where she hides her kids toys and calf-level cabinets she's fixed the coffee problem and developed a new set of bruises and contusions. Problem fixed because she left the house before she had any.
Are there better ways to break your coffee addiction? Definitely not. But there are alternatives to coffee in the morning.
Tea! Tea snobs everywhere know how healthy tea is compared to coffee. Antioxidants! Oriental wisdom! So what that you still have your caffeine addiction and a more expensive habit. It's healthy! In moderation. So don't have too much though.
Another alternative to coffee in the morning is having a baby. Babies are better than alarms because they can sustain a much higher pitch and have absolutely no snooze button. Those only last for 2-5 years until you break down and move out to get an extra 15 minutes of sleep. You can always have more babies, but this is the most time consuming alternative to coffee. However, also the funniest if you think cats and dogs being chased and abused toddlers is funny. It is. Hahaha.
Another way to get energized in the morning is to exercise. The health benefits of exercise haven't been fully proven. Which is why watching what you eat and exercising never actually leads to weight loss. But exercise combined with a fad diet can lead to weight loss, and more energy in the morning! It's best to go from zero to sixty with exercise. If you haven't been active lately, promise you'll be running 8 miles a day while memorizing passages from Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment for the next month. Anything less than that and you'll come across as a resolutional wuss. You'd never be able to show your face at the day-after-new-years-eve-depressing-yearly-outlook dinner again.
If none of these alternatives to coffee in the morning seem to be your style, get a new style!
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