Wednesday, October 19, 2011

On Statistics

Today's blog post is brought to you by the number "e."  It may seem irrational, but I've got 2.72 reasons why you should read this article anyways.  Also a general lack of understanding numbers and statistics brings you this post.((Remember, 47.1% of all statistics are made up on the spot.))

There have been a variety of people and pictures and articles going on about the Occupy Wallstreet/Dallas/YourMomLOL movement going around the country.  I'm not a rocket scientist, but there have also been some statistics running rampant.  Mostly people claiming to be a certain percent of the population.((Just wanted you to know I'm not a rocket scientist.  I give off that vibe, and it confuses people, unrelated to the article though.))

"I'm the 99%!"
"I'm the 53%, stop whining."

...and so on.

It makes one wonder what these people are claiming to be.  Let's say for arguments sake that there are 300 million people living in America.  That would make any single person roughly 3.3*(10^-7).  Which.  Is not.  53% of anything.  ((Okay, fine one person is 53% of 1.767*(10^-7)people in our make believe population, but you're being nitpicky.))

The fact that any two people could claim to be 53% and 99% of any population is astounding!  That would mean there is 142% of people running around out there.  I want to know what the 42% of the population that doesn't exist has to say about all this.  I bet they're pretty displeased.  I bet buckets of money they are.  Oh look, I just got buckets of money, I was right.

But maybe these people didn't mean they were part of the population with a certain outlook or anything.

Maybe that 53% is people who enjoy strawberry jelly more than grape jelly on their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.((As is right and good.))  The 99% could be 99% of people who have not been a target of immaculate conception.((Remember teenagers, abstinance only works 99.99% of the time!))

My advice is: if you do want to make a point, get rid of these exact numbers from your conversation.  They're false exaggerations and just hyperbole anyways, so let's use words!  Let's turn 99% into, "Sure there may be one, or two people out there who like your proposal, but they're not speaking up."  53%?  More like, "Golly, I'm sure there are lots of people out there who agree with me."  Try and do this throughout your life, for clarity's sake.

True story: 64%  A WHOLE BUNCH of people looked up immaculate conception after reading this. 100% ALL OF THEM were teenagers.  13% NOT MANY found out that they will give birth to the next messiah.

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