Writing Legal Papers

So recently, through no fault of my own((How was I supposed to know that Disney characters were all under copyright protection?)), I recently received a cease and desist letter.  At first I didn't know what to do because they used big scary legal terms like, "Dear Mr. Stevenson."

Don't worry, I went out immediately and hired my own lawyer.  He's a really great guy and it only cost me $638.94 to meet with him and talk about the letter.  He told me that I was getting him really cheap for that service.

Anyways, after he read the letter and did some research it was determined that "Mr. Stevenson" was in fact myself.  That threw me off, I wasn't sure how I would cease and desist being me.  I paid him another $222.00 and he figured out that there was actually more to the letter.  It had even more scary legal terms we would have to contend with.

Here's what some of the letter looked like,

"...Dear Mr. Stevenson:

This law firm represents FairUse Inc.

We are writing to inform you that your unlawful copying of FairUse's copyrighted work infringes on our client's exclusive copyrights.  Accordingly, you are hearby ordered to

CEASE AND DESIST ALL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT..."

((My lawyer then told me that writing those letters gets you extra cred, with other lawyers, the more times you use a single word like "copyright" and maintain the legal validity of the document.))  I've been using a lot of copyrighted work for my own personal gain, so obviously I was pretty spooked about this message.  But my lawyer assured me that the letter didn't want me to cease and desist "ALL" infringement, just the parts that were FairUse's.

So I did that, and asked my lawyer if there was anything else I should do about this.  He said I should definitely pay him another $724.68((I was assured that his prices were definitely NOT random and based on how much rent was due and the current alignment of the planets, which is a well documented medical billing algorithm.)) and buy him lunch for all the good work he did. I paid him $811.64 because you should always tip lawyer's 12%, or they'll send cease and desist not tipping them letters until you hire another lawyer to send the first lawyer cease and desist sending cease and desist not tipping us letters.  It can all spiral out of control pretty quickly.

But if anyone is looking to buy Looney Tunes prints, let me know!