For Interviews

So you've got a big interview coming up for a big company.  There are some things you can do to make sure that you're looked at in the highest light and are likely to be interviewed and hired.  Bribe the HR worker you're corresponding with.  ((HR stands for Has specific Receptiveness to being bribed, look it up.))

Other than that you can try making your resume look really great and have lots of important and accurate information on it.  Remember, don't put things like "Experienced Male Dancer" and "Great in the Sack" unless you're applying to be a stripper and are prepared to dance with poles until they hire you.  No one knows why they always have you dance with Polish people in that situation, but it's unavoidable.

Also a good cover letter can make up for some lacking experience in a resume.  A good cover letter shows you're really very full of yourself and maybe read the "about" section of the company's website.  Companies like people who can read about sections.  The only thing companies like more is people who write about their about sections.((double about and you'll catch a trout!))

Also, in general, the more ridiculous and inhuman the vocabulary you use becomes, the more intelligent people will percieve you as.

Applying for a writer's position?

You may have:
"I do not use the passive voice."

Why not punch that up to:
"A passive manner of speaking, is not one, that I intend to utilize come hell or high water.  Tidal wave kind of high water.  Smoked a lot of dope kind of high water.  Get what it is I am referring to?  **wink wink**"

Another example for instance, "Worked at a daycare, and punched Timmy when he'd start fights."  Sure there's an honesty there, but companies would much prefer to see some nonsense like, "My last vocational pursuit entailed mediating the troubles of juviniles between 18 months and 5 years of age."  HR reps want to know that if they're ever forced to talk to you at a company party, because someone paid them a fiver, they can make an excuse to leave very quickly. The more words you use that have little to no everyday meaning the more likely it is that you'll take up none of their party time with your incredibly boring antics.

So go out and do something incredibly boring that you could put on a resume.  Maybe that you're a really hard worker and spend 60+ hours a week doing mundane business related tasks!  No one would want to hear about that at a party, so you'd definitely get the job.