Production Value

I hear people throwing around the phrase "Production Value" like it was one character's catchphrase in Super 8.  Well I've got news for you, it is!  But that's not the only news I've got for you, it's much more than that.  It's.  Production Value.

What does it mean to have production value?  It means when people walk by and see it, the first thought in their head is, "Those guys with production value, they most definitely do not talk about having intercourse with trees.  Not even once, for fun!"  It's really important to cultivate production value and professionalism in your business or personal life for just that reason.  Otherwise people will think you're constantly in a complicated relationship with a deciduous  Ann Magnolia.  Who doesn't return your calls.  But it's not because she doesn't like you, she's just got a lot going on, what with winter coming up and her needing to shed her leaves and all.  Besides she's happy being alone, she doesn't need someone with production value to be with her.

Hah!  If you believe that it's because you haven't got any production value!  If you had any, of course even trees would want to have relationships with you.  Remember production value is only a "re" away from reproduction value!

Some ways you can increase your production value:
-Spend money!  That's really the best way to make yourself look good.  Buy the most expensive things available.
-Make it look like you spent money!  If you don't actually have the funds to spare, find some consistency.  You just need all of your crappy stuff to look the same.  That way people will assume you did it on purpose.
-Stop having sex with trees.  That's the opposite of production value.

So after you've spent some money call up ol' Ann Magnolia and tell her, "Hey deciduous Ann, I'm above you!  I don't want to date you at all ever again!"  Then sit back and relax as she, and all the other people try to get in on your impressive ground-floor, if you know what I mean.((I mean the floor with the checkerboard tile that goes really well with your solid marble columns that hold up your mansion.  In case that wasn't clear.))


ps: Remember, even though Ann will now want to date you, you must say no!  Otherwise she'll realize all your production value is just a clever ruse and you just want to get back to tree humping!