Monday, December 19, 2011

Crazy People

I like bluetooth headsets and playing videogames on my computer for the same reason.  I'm crazy, but if I communicate in any other way people won't realize it!  But when I get my bluetooth or game on, people become cognizant that I apparently have witty banter with myself.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of other uses for bluetooth headsets besides just looking crazy.  It makes other people who try to interact with you seem awkward and dumb just because they didn't realize you had one on. 

Bluetooth guy: "Hey."
--Outsider--: "Oh, hi!"
Bluetooth guy: With incredulous/dumbfounded look on his face, "Oh no I wasn't talking to you, I am talking to you, no not you, yes I'm still on the phone with you."
--Outsider--: "Uh.  Is there anything I can help you with?"
Bluetooth guy: "Yes, actually I was looking for a something, do you know where something is?  No, why would I ask you where a something is, do you even know where I am?"
--Outsider--: "It is uh, it is over that way."

See, in the above conversation, absolutely everyone felt like an idiot!  Except for, of course, the person who was the root of the problem, bluetooth guy.  The gamer conversation would be pretty similar, but there would be more references to someone being 12 years old and sleeping with everyone's mother.  From my understanding the mothers really seem to enjoy all their time fornicating with twelve year olds.

I'm going to start walking around with a cellphone to my head/bluetooth on, but pointedly yelling at people I see in person.  "Yeah you there with the green shirt, you're dumbfoundingly ugly.  Really gross."  I'll just throw in a couple of disgusted looks and a "No, not you." every now and again.  That way everyone will be sure I am completely bonkers.

No comments:

Post a Comment