Here's a joke to open with: what's the difference between a drunk and your dead grandfather? I feel bad when I punch a drunk.
Instead of a funeral I imagine a scenario where the deceased's remaining relatives can have a sort of celebrity death match the corpse. The priest will want a good clean fight, so get it on! Just an activity to get out residual anger from being left alone in a cold world without the light and guidance from the dead friend or family member.
Morticians will also have a great deal more exciting job. They will follow your will and plant grenades, or spike traps to pop out of your body at just the right time. They'll also be in charge of taking any bets and running the funeral craps games that are bound to break out.
This isn't to disrespect the dead, rather exalt them as a force of nature. They will teach the young to truly never give in. No matter the torture methods, the foot crushing or finger breaking, the dead will not do anything you beg of them. Maybe a voice recorder will say things like, "Oh I sure will pay that gambling debt Pete. Hahahahha. No Mabel, I never had an affair, wink wink nudge nudge. Life insurance is boring, Corvettes are exciting!" when punched just right.
Extreme funerals are coming to a town near you, whether you like it or not. So if you've got any choice words for a dying relative, bottle them up and wait for ceremony.
Here's a joke to close with: I drank what?((Socrates' favorite!))
No comments:
Post a Comment