Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Treating Objects Like Women

I'll find myself hanging around a chair I like at work.  You know, a really down to earth chair.  It's not all about partying or calling me at one in the morning.  It's just not like other chairs.

Not to mention it's got a great fashion sense.  This chair stole its outfit from the 50s, but pulls off the out of place look ya'know.  It's got a couple of great blankets thrown over it that keep it warm in the winter.  It's just one of those chairs I could see myself watching a movie with, or we could even just hang out and read books.

So I'm walking up to this chair at work and I've got a plan.  I'm going to ask this chair if it will be mine.  But, I'm going to tell it I was just passing through the store when I saw it there.  Then I thought I'd come over and say hello.  After that, hanging out will just be a natural extension of our conversation.  Instead.   About halfway to the chair, the chair sees me and I dive head first into an adjoining aisle, out of the chairs view.  Then I think the chair knows, knows I'm an idiot so I should just leave.  By the time one of my feet is out the door I decide, no!  It's now or never and I've got to let this chair know I want it.  I turn back in and march right over to the chair, determined to see it.  I inquire if the chair wants to see a movie Friday night.  The chair laughingly explains to me that it was already going to someone else's house, and that someone is very well endowed and a much better looker than me.

At this point I leave the store, drive home, and think about how I'll just never find a chair that's right for me.  Even then I won't go into the furniture store and try to buy a chair a drink, because then I don't feel like I know the chair.  Anyways I'd much rather go home and sleep with my bed, even though it lets absolutely anyone sleep with it.

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