2011 was a year for a lot of reflection and introspection about how people have seriously messed the world up, gone into more debt than is physically possible to go into and never wrote their grandmother though they promised they would. With that in mind((If you'd just read my blog grandma, it would save us both time and guilty feelings. For when we really needed them. Like when our girlfriend wants to go out with her friends and have a girls night, but I've spent all day slaving over Kraft Easy Mac. I need those guilty feelings and can't go on giving them to you.)) let's take a look at the 13 biggest trends for the coming year.
1 - Living like it's going to go out of style on December 21st 2012. The day the Mayans predicted their calendar would end.
2 - Americans will realize that oddly numbered lists are just a gimmick, and don't inherently mean the content within is more interesting.((Denizens of other countries will still be wow'd by those lists. I mean, how could there only be 7 weird, funny, screwed up, secret, newfangled ways to get girls' phone numbers?))
3 - Spending more money than you have, followed by a want for more money.
4 - Realizing that if you follow your current path you'll be the old person that never made it into show business and out of bitter anger instructs children to be "responsable" and become honorable hedge-fund managers.
5 - Quitting your part time job to follow your dreams. Possibly being laid off and deciding you might as well follow your dreams, since you won't find another job...
6 - ...Unless you're a manager/full time employee. Then you'll fire all your part time employees so that they can follow their dreams. Even the weird creepy one, whose dream is to do unsavory things with photographs of any person they've seen twice.
7 - Realizing you've never had a dream.
8 - Drinking heavily.
9 - The fight for legalization of things that look a lot like marijuana.
10 - Giving up on your original goal when you were close to finishing, but just don't care anymore.
While people have become aware in the last decades that the world is in serious trouble, this fact has just depressed them out of acting. Which is why movies like Jack and Jill get made.((Re-read the last two sentences if you didn't laugh, until you realize it's funny, then continue. Pun intended and I'll be damned if you breeze over it without a guffaw or hoop-la.)) This is a call to everyone who had a dream. Realize that 2012 is the year to fail at your dreams and go back to part time work and be bitter forever. But please don't skip the failing your dreams part. Don't just assume that because you've got no skills and zero likability to boot you won't make it. Actually go out there and screw up. It's only fair to come by your bitterness honestly.
Love, Kevin
ps: Grandma I got those cookies you sent me. And that post card of those Hawaiian girls, and while I'm sure they are very friendly they were probably just paid to pose in that picture. They probably don't really wish I was there with them, but thanks for the thought. I'll write more in 2012, promise.
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