I have an announcement to make. This may come as a shock to some of you. But I'm going to be running for president. Mr Obama has been having some knee troubles lately, and wanted me to stand in for his 5k. It's good that he only wanted me to stand in, as I've also been having knee troubles, and wasn't sure if I was necessarily going run very well. But standing in, I can stand in anywhere.
You may wonder why someone with knee troubles would agree to run a race for the President of his country. The answer to that is: if you were called by the White House and asked to do something for the president, you'd have to be on hutzpah fueled crutch using kind of excuse maker. Which I am not!
This isn't to gloat, or make you feel inadequate about the favors you're asked to do on a daily basis. This is just to let you know, if you're looking for a high caliber replacement for any event, ask me!
In the past I've also done:
-Clowns for children's birthday parties
-Wine server at a local theater event
-Romancing other men's wives((I usually am willing to do this work pro-bono, if you know what I mean. But if you'd prefer, I could do it without you even requesting or finding out at all. The latter is often preferred, and I'll, discreetly of course, send the bill for my work under the pen name of "Time Warner Cable."))
And that's just a list! I can surely help out in a variety of other situations, but won't know what until you ask! So please, call today. If you get an answering machine when you call, congratulations you're the 100th caller! And if you're offer is one that I can't refuse, I won't!
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